Non practicing

Today i went to a Spanish Mass, this was the first time i have even been to regualar mass in more than a year. For some time now i have been thinking about going back to Catholic Masses, but not really after today. It isn't about some grudge on the Catholic Chuch, it just doesn't seem to do anything for me. Today, hearing it in a different language was funny because i didn't even know when to stand up or sit down. It is just an imporant part of mass, i just got lost trying to remember what to do. Even when i went to English mass, i didn't ever learn anything, it was just reading from the bible for about 30 mins, 7-10 mins of "explaining" and then 15 mins of singing. At Vintage, the church i've been kinda going to, its much more learning about what the bible is actually saying. I love that. I really need to go back to church, just need someone to go with me. haha. It feels good to finally come to an conclusion about ones religion, its kind of a big part of your life. Now if i could only figure out the rest...

What?

Somewhere along the way lately I have totally lost myself. I wake up in the morning and am just so ashamed of the person i have become. The things that used to mean the world to me are starting to slip away and i am sinking into a bottomless pit with no way out. I can't remember the last time I woke up and i was already in a good mood. That used to happen so often. I really need to get back there, but i don't know if it's possible. How am I supposed to pick myself up out of this, i'm burried. Now that cornhuskin is over I don't even have an excuse for my distance. I want so badly to be with someone so badly right now. But i can't, I'm stuck. I just hope that someone knows how deeply sorry I am, and that one day I will be back to normal. One day all of this will be in the past and I will be able to see clearly agian. 

For now, i guess i should start trying to dig myself out of this mess.